Monthly Archives: September 2012

Fall Back in Love With Yourself this Season

The seasons are changing, and so should we! People always use New Year’s as the mark of starting over, beginning a new chapter, or making a few, sometimes necessary, adjustments.

But why wait until January when we can start over right now? There shouldn’t be an exact date when we ought to reevaluate what’s missing or what needs improvement. We should emulate the leaves we see outside and allow ourselves to change.

Use this autumn to take the time and bounce back from your current fall, whether it is a loss of a job, a friend, or a significant other, and instead, fall back in love with yourself. It might sound trite and cliché, but in order to find change, it has to start with you. And who better to love than yourself? People say once you find the happiness in yourself, you will find it in other people, and I couldn’t agree more. It is impossible for someone to accept you if you don’t accept yourself.

Now is the time to start seeing the beauty in ourselves. At times, we may feel cold, bare, and miserable, but we know that in time, things can only get better and more beautiful. So start appreciating the splendor in the season and share it with the most important person: you.

Perhaps take yourself out on a date one afternoon. Sit in a café and grab a cup of hot chocolate, take a long walk in the park, or treat yourself to a movie. Spend time alone with yourself and figure out what it is you want in life and ask yourself questions about your current fall. What is the next step in your career? Are these friends you have pulling you back? How could this last relationship have been better?

You know what they always say, if you fall, get back up and try again. And those are words to live by. Through this life, there are going to be hard times and difficult decisions to make. There are always going to be events that bring us down and circumstances from which we can grow. But if we change our attitudes and know deep in our hearts that it is going to be okay, it will. And it is up to you to get back up and make the change you want to see.

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The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Anything But the Truth

When it comes to dating, especially in those beginning stages, we all try our best to trick or deceive the person we are courting. Whether it be fibbing about our actual jobs or telling a little white lie about the year we spent in prison, it’s pretty natural to exaggerate or mislead others to make us appear someone they really want to date.

For me, I do a whole lot of online dating, which makes this whole lying thing that much easier. Instead of having to lie on the spot when asked what the tear drop tattoo on my left eye means, I can instead take the time to devise a wordy e-mail, scan and edit it before sending.

Like most people, I am a horrible liar when it comes to face-to-face interactions. It started when my mom would come in my room and ask if my homework was completed. Or when my dad would pull me into his office to ask if the shirt he was wearing made him look fat. After a while of being awful with telling lies, I soon learned it was easier to actually complete my math homework and remove any article of clothing that was orange from my dad’s closet.

Now, ten years later, I am still figuring out this whole lying thing. Normally I do not lie about anything on my dating profile. Do I embellish certain details? Sure. Do I lie about my receding hair line? You bet. Do I tell my suitors I visit the gym 3-4 times a week? I have to. But, to me, these are all little things; not so important in the big scheme of things.

The only time I find myself having a hard time when it comes to lying is actually after the first date. Getting someone to go out for dinner or drinks is the easy part. The date is actually pretty easy, too. Hell, I’m even pretty easy (if ya get a few lemon drop martinis in my system). But the part I hate the most, the part I pray never ever has to happen, is when I get that message, or that text, or that fax from the person I went on a date with asking, “So, what did you think?”

I don’t know if I am the only one who receives this same message after every date, but it honestly makes me cringe. Now I am put in an uncomfortable position. I could lie and say “I thought you were awesome! I didn’t know people still had iguanas for pets! I really liked that Ms.Pacman shirt you wore to dinner” or I could tell the truth and say “I just wasn’t that into you. Sorry.”

Wouldn’t things be so much easier if that’s how we dealt with all the bad dates we go on? Being able to say exactly what we wanted to say to the other person without being too mean or cruel or, well, honest?

But we can’t. Because that would make us assholes. We have to put them down easy by saying things like, “I had fun, I’m just really swamped at work” or “We should totally do it again sometime, I’ll let you know when I come back from my mission work in Haiti” or just a simple “LOL” can sometimes suffice.

If we do lie and say we had a great time, we are just building up their feelings (and confidence) and we can’t do that, because things could soon get worse. We would be in the predicament to still talk to them, or even worse, go on a second date.

From my experience* I would have to advise you to be honest when it comes to ending a relationship – or even just answering the “What-did-you-think” question. There are nice ways of getting the message out there- “I just don’t think we are a match” (quoting a text my ex sent me).

So, what I hope you get from this extremely informative posting is that yes, lying is wrong and you should always be honest…except when it comes to making yourself look better.

*  I’ve only had to end things with one person a few years back. Luckily I don’t have to send those awkward texts about me not wanting to date someone anymore! Phew. They usually just take the hint that I wasn’t interested and stop talking to me all together, change their numbers, and delete me off of Facebook.

 

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