Monthly Archives: July 2012

Find Me Love. Okay, Cupid?

Okay, so I did it. I finally bit the bullet and signed myself up for an online dating website. Hello 2012! I honestly don’t know what has taken me so long. I am definitely not opposed to the idea of online dating, but just like in high school, I was a late bloomer.

I was too busy wasting my time with going out to bars, buying guys drinks, and downloading Grindr. I am sure most of you already know what this…application entails…so I will skip the introduction and save my Grindr stories for another post.

I think, and have always thought, that dating online was such an easy and efficient way of getting to know and meeting people. I mean, you log in, go through hundreds of different profiles, read their shit and if you like them, you send them a wink, or a smiley, or a high five. And if you don’t like them, you just click the X or block button and you never have to worry about seeing them again. You seriously can go on fifteen dates without even leaving your couch. Or showering.

So, the first step of online dating is creating the perfect profile. This is by far the most important part. Your profile, aside from the pictures, is what is going to reel in your potential daters. You have to be smart, funny, witty, and real all at the same time. You have to be able to talk about yourself without rambling, while making them laugh. What I have learned is the more they laugh, the more messages in your inbox.

On OkCupid, there are several categories of questions for you to fill out. Some are trite and stale: “What are you doing with your life?”, “Your self- summary” and “Favorite books and movies” while others are interesting and inventive: “What are you usually doing on a typical Friday night?” or “Why you should message me”.

With each and every section, you have a chance to say something creative; something that will hopefully make them hit the wink or message button and not the X.

So, one typical Friday night, I poured myself a bottle of wine and sat down at my laptop and created my account. I was feeling such a rush – I don’t know if it was from the Cabernet or the Paula Abdul Pandora station playing in the background – but I flew through the questions. I even came up with a somewhat clever dating handle: ShadesOfGay.

With each sip, I had a hilarious and honest answer to each question. “First thing someone notices about you?” My eyes. Duh. Next! “The most private thing I am willing to admit?” I have really bad breath in the morning. Done.

Now that the hard part was over, all I had to do was upload a few pictures and get ready to date. Now, there is an unknown rule about picture uploading. You must upload that one picture – that amazing, airbrushed (instagramed) picture that makes you look like a model. This must be your main picture because it has to grab their attention and make them want to read the profile you just spent hours perfecting.

The subsequent pictures should be ones of you doing different activities. One with you and a friend (she, of course, is cropped out), one of you at a bar (to show that you go out and have a social life) and one artsy, black and white one with you wearing glasses. This should give the other people on the site a sense of who you are, and most importantly, what you look like.

Once the pictures were done, I was ready. I hit submit and was prepared to embark on my dating adventure. Just two more seconds…and…wait. “I have to answer 100 match questions?!” Now, I started getting annoyed. I was almost finished with my bottle of wine, and to be quite honest, I was ready for bed. I did not want to sit at a computer any longer and answer monotonous and repetitive questions that people could find out by having a conversation with me. And they weren’t fill in the blanks, they were really cryptic with answers like: Strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, and strongly disagree. I felt like I was taking the SAT’s all over again.

“Writing something on a bathroom stall is invigorating”, “I would stay with my partner if they were caught cheating”, “I like being tied up for fun”.

After completing my obligatory 100 questions, I hit save, submit, and log off. I gulped the last of my wine and hit the pillow. “I cannot wait to see all of my messages tomorrow morning” I slurred to the empty wine glass before becoming unconscious.

I woke up the next afternoon with a huge hangover, a throbbing headache, and no messages.

“What the hell?!” I screamed over the music. I must have forgotten to turn off Pandora before I went to bed and “Cold Hearted Snake” was blasting through my speakers. I called my friend who initially steered me into online dating and told him my dilemma.

“I hate this stupid website. I have no messages. My profile is funny. My pictures are amazing. And nothing! This is insane. I would have better luck dating at that stupid lesbian bar.”

“When did you sign up for OkCupid?” he asked me.

“Last night.” I replied, swallowing three Advil.

“Are you serious? You have to give it time. Play around with it. See how you like it. They will come.”

“Now you sound like that guy who slipped me LSD and raped me last 4th of July.”

He offered a polite chuckle. “I’m being serious. Just give it a week. I promise. So, anyways, what are you up—“

I slammed down the phone, and turned off my computer. I spent the week keeping up with my work, my friends, and the Kardashians. And as my friend had predicted, my inbox was full of e-mails. I was so excited that each of those four messages I had received mentioned how funny my profile was. Mission: complete.

I am not sure how long I will stay on this website, or even participate in the world of online dating, but right now I am feeling pretty okay.

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Is the Grass Really Greener on the Other Side?

New York City. The concrete jungle. The city that never sleeps. The city filled with museums, culture, art, and a beautiful park, all crammed on a tiny little island. 

For those of us that live within the five boroughs of Manhattan, we are every day entertained with the excitement of being able to live in a city that, just like its name states, is all about the new. New restaurants, new bars, and new shops are opening up so fast, that we cannot even keep track.

There is always a new hotspot to be seen at, a new food to tasted, and a new club to get drunk at. Perhaps that is why the city never sleeps. We are too interested in trying everything, and keeping up that we somehow lose the ability, or even willingness, of taking a break and going to bed.

The same goes for relationships. You always hear people grunt and groan about how impossible it is to date in the city. At first, I thought they were insane. There are over 3 million people cramped into this tiny little island. I am sure there is someone to hold a connection, even a conversation, with.

But as my residency extended here, I soon realized that we are also in competition with 3 million other people. Just like that frozen yogurt shop in the East Village, we are soon going to be overlooked by a better, newer, more athletic with better hair yogurt shop opening up directly across the street.

We are now fighting for the chance to survive. To outlast, outwit, and outsmart our competitor. Sometimes we succeed and business flows as normal, while other times, we are cleaning out shop and putting a “Going out of Business” sign in our window.

Why is this the case? It’s not like this in other areas of the country – even in other cities. There is something appealing about keeping up with the Joneses that every New Yorker seems to do. Everyone has to try the fried duck at this little UWS stand. Everyone needs to get access to the new lounge opened by some rap star. Everything about New York is a status symbol, and when it comes to matters of the heart, most people’s status symbol is single.

We go on dates with people we meet out, through a friend, or even online in the privacy of our 10ft by 10ft studio apartments. We have an amazing time, but just like the UWS duck shack, we are soon forgotten about and our pursuer is now pursuing someone else. Someone funnier, more attractive, richer, or even, someone who lives closer.

It seems we can never win. We, as dating animals trying to survive in this concrete jungle, will stop at nothing to be noticed. We go on these first dates, knowing that we have to be on top of our game, because one tiny misstep, one small mistake, and we are out of the game. They have already moved on, because they can.

Maybe somewhere like Lincoln, Nebraska, there aren’t that many funny, witty, handsome, and smart men, so you stand out above the rest. But, in New York?  Ha! New York was created by the funny, witty, handsome, and smart men. If you don’t have exactly what they are looking for, they know they can find it somewhere else.

Just like the yogurt shop. If you do not have Crème Brule flavored frozen yogurt, I bet you the shop across the street has it. And I bet it’s really delicious.

So, in a city, so competitive like New York, where everyone is out in search for the next best thing, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is the grass really greener on the other side?

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The Introduction

I know what you are all thinking – another blog about dating. Uggghhh.  And I’m sorry. I wish I could say I am going to be writing about real, hard hitting topics, such as politics…or… other important stuff. But, that just isn’t my forte.

My forte is dating.

I am 25 and have been actively dating for about 8 years. Not a long time, but long enough to know the ins and outs of the process. I currently work for a website where I offer advice on “how to” cope with being in a relationship or “how to” handle being dumped. The first topic is pretty foreign to me, while the latter is all I know.

Dating in the real world is hard. We know that. But dating in the gay world, well, that’s even harder. And throw living in New York City in the mix and it is almost impossible.

On this blog, I will be telling (in detail) stories of how I meet my potential sutiors, and the date that follows. Be prepared, most of my dates do not go so well, but, that’s the fun in it. Right?

Because we aren’t all looking for Mr. Right, we are looking for Mr. Right Now. And we must all find him before our time runs out. We each are stamped with a “sell by date” at birth, and as we get older, and our friends start getting married and having babies, we look down and see that our stamp is running out. Our life in the world of dating is about to expire.

Join me on my journey! It will be fun. I promise.


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